Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Cleaning Out My Closet

The title would indicate that I have actually taken the time to wade through the many different sweaters, t-shirts, pants, shirts, work clothes, Sunday dresses, formal wear that hang in my closet. No, I'm merely imagining taking the time to go through the well-worn and new-with-tag clothing that absolutely does not fit.

I know I should really toss all those items of clothing that don't fit.

Why even try to fool myself into thinking that I will ever fit into that size 12 crimson red dress with the velvet collar -- okay, why would I want to even wear that dress, now? -- when I haven't seen a size 12 in, oh, 18 years! Why am I hanging on to those clothes that just don't fit, especially the pieces -- okay, pretty much everything -- that is TOO SMALL?!

It's probably the same reason that I hang on to papers and books and collectibles. I've got a clutter problem that translates into a decision-making problem that has some deep seated roots that maybe have to do with my, that's a whole nother blog entry.

I like to think that those smaller clothes are my inspiration to be healthier; that yes, I'll one day fit back into them. But more and more I think they are holding me back from actually losing the weight. I can't quite explain it.

I can't bring myself to box them up and take them to my favorite thrift store, but I think they need to be packed up and put away. I think I'll be cleaning my closet this weekend....

Ice Cream of the Day: Haagen Dazs Dulce de Leche (1/2 cup = 290 calories, 17g fat)

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

It's All Body Image

My friend Pam once told me that she didn't realize that she was fat until she had an annual physical and the doctor indicated that she was obese. Pam probably weighs over 300 pounds. How could she not know that she was fat for all those years?!

I suppose it's the same thing in reverse when those skinny Minnie types whine and moan about needing to lose weight when all I see are size six hips staring back at me. What do you mean you need to lose weight? Have you looked in the mirror lately?!

It all has to do with body image.

My assistant from ten years ago once told me that I carried myself well, that I had a great self image and strong self esteem, that I recognized that I needed to lose some weight, but that I didn't throw pity parties for myself and constantly berate myself over my size. I suppose for the most part she was right: I've always been extroverted, confident, smart.

But then she never saw me sitting on my couch in the glow of the television eating directly from the Ben & Jerry's pint carton. Nor did she know the guilty pangs that might follow the wave of nausea from eating way too much.

It all used to do with body image.

Now it's about being healthy and setting the right example for my daughter and being there for many years to come.

*SIGH* No more binging in the pantry or snitching a scoop of the frozen stuff from the containers while standing in front of the open freezer.

Ice Cream of the Day: Edy's Creamy Coconut Fruit Bars (1 bar = 120 calories, 3g of fat)

Monday, August 17, 2009

Been There, Done That....Three Times

I keep getting the weekly, sometimes daily, emails from Weight Watchers. Their latest program, called Momentum, combines the best of all their Core and Points systems.

The first time that I did Weight Watchers was sometime in the early 90's. You picked your foods to eat, you counted your points, you wrote it down, and you weighed in once a week, attending the meeting for tips and support. I loved the meetings! Our group leader, Maxine, was incredible! She was always the most fashionable, enthusiastic person and really shared a no-nonsense approach to weight loss. (Did you know you can burn 450 calories with an hour of active s-e-x? Just one of the tidbits that learned from WW!)

The second time I attended WW was around 2003 or 2004. Lost the same thirty pounds that I had lost in the 90's. This time a chose the Core plan: eat from a prescribed list of foods. I liked it better than all the counting, but you still were expected to keep a food journal. (Hmmmm, am I really going to write down that extra piece of pie that I had for lunch?) This time my attempt at weight loss was less about vanity (yes, I admit it!) and more about getting healthy as we thought about trying to get pregnant.

And my third round with WW followed the birth of my daughter. I was on a roll at the beginning, losing as quickly as she gained. I was down 14 pounds when she actually weighed 14 pounds. But sleepless nights and an increasingly busy schedule kept me from a meeting or two or three (I'd rather go to bed at 7:00 p.m. than attend a meeting) and eventually I realized that my $40 a month could be better spent (sort of like the Netflix subscription that I can't seem to use).

Don't get me wrong. I truly believe that WW is one of the best weight loss programs and I am one of the first to recommend it for folks that are looking to commit to a weight loss program. I just can't seem to find my commitment for anything weight loss related these days.

Ice Cream of the Day: Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey (1/2 cup = 290 calories, 17g of fat)

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Taking Inventory

Gender: Female
Age: 40
Height: 5' 8"
Weight: 255

Well, at least I think that's how much I weigh. We threw out our scales last year when the plastic over the needle / number part broke and the scale seemed to be calibrated incorrectly.

I don't really need a scale to tell me that I'm overweight, fat, obese. I've known that for awhile. I've also known that pretty much none of my clothes fit, and if they actually do, they are sorry excuses for professional work clothes and general public appearances.

I could list all the excuses for gaining so much weight and I could list all the excuses that I have for not losing it. But I suspect it would read like any other overweight person's list: had a baby, freshman 15 turned into 50, getting older, less active job, not enough time to exercise, and on and on.

I only have this day forward and one life to live and I'm worried that I'm not going to make it to be an octogenarian if I don't get healthy.

I can't make promises that I will never, ever eat another bowl of ice cream again, but from this day forward, I'm determined to be healthier!

Ice Cream of the Day: Breyer's Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Ice Cream (1/2 cup = 180 calories, 9g of fat)